Don't seek validation

Remember any incident as a child, being the odd person out. It was an uncomfortable place to be in. It was a place where most of us vowed never to visit again. Some of us learnt it from their first uncomfortable experience, the value of fitting in. Some of us took a few more hard knocks to start fitting in. We learnt the art of seeking validation so that we fit in and are not the odd person out. However, top performers by definition are above average and hence they don’t fit in with the average crowd. If you are or desire to be a top performer get comfortable with the idea of being different from the average and learn not to seek validation from others

It’s hard not to seek validation because at times we seek validation without even realizing that we just want to fit in.

Sources of validation

• allowing the influence of popular cultural on our life
• fashion following
• reading the top 10 books
• watching the top 10 movies
• making safe choices
• going with the flow
• stopping yourself from doing the stuff you want to do
• not allowing yourself to play
• hanging out with the crowd
• living up to other expectations
• doing what others do
• believing what others believe
• thinking what others think 

The playbook for not seeking validation

• nurture yourself... let yourself not be crushed with the pressure of fitting in
• give yourself  the permission to not fit in, at least a few times
• in self-doubt, remind yourself of the permission that you have given yourself to not fit in
• let the haters hate
• find a new crowd
• encourage others to not fit in
• encouraging others will strengthen your muscle to be the odd one out

What validates me?

• success validates me ... nothing succeeds like success
• failures validate me .... validating what I should not do
• outcomes validates me
• living true to my ideas of myself validate me
• the journey of being me validates me
• facts validate me
• being a player ... so what if I end up on the losing side
• being a coach ... coaching another player to play the game of life
• making a move ... making moves ... including the wrong moves 
• using pain as a motivator to make a move

What does not validate me?

• opinions do not validate me  ... everyone is entitled to an opinion and I cannot grudge someone the right to an opinion
• short term pleasure at the expense of long-term pain
• short term gain at the expense of a long-term loss
• being a mute spectator
• sitting still
• looking bad in the eyes of other
• numbing myself to pain

Don't allow others the power and influence to validate you. Look within for the validation of yourself. The only caveat to keep in mind, standing out and not fitting in is not a an excuse for obnoxious behavior.